Coming out of the Dark
by gizmo8us
Summary: Kate struggles with her recent decisions and learns to deal with them amidst the chaos of returning to her old life, her new secret relationship and a gunman on the loose with her and everyone she loves in his sights.
1. Chapter 1

A cool salty breeze blew through the tall trees surrounding the wood deck and stirred the water in the pool. Kate turned her head into it, hoping the wind would drive away some of the heat in the air. It lifted a strand of her long, dark hair and threw it into her eyes, causing it to hook over the earpiece of her sunglasses. She pulled it free and took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the breeze and exhaling it slowly before reaching to the table beside her and taking up the frosty glass it held.

The combination of rum, pineapple and coconut slid down her throat, working to cool her off from the inside. She smiled at the tiny, pink umbrella sticking out of the glass before setting it back down on the table and shifting in the overly comfortable deck chair.

She thought briefly about what she must look like to the outside world, sitting by the pool in the million dollar house, lazing about without a care in the world. Were the tourist meandering by along the beach filled with envy? When had she stopped seeing herself as one of them? When had all this become commonplace for her?

She quickly stopped that line of thinking. She didn't want to dwell on any of that. No, she was determined to enjoy her summer. She'd worked hard. She'd earned this time off from her life. She'd never taken a vacation before. She wasn't about to feel bad about taking this one.

And as for what she was planning to do at the end of it all? Well, that would have to wait until September. It wasn't that far away and everyday it grew closer, baring down on her like some undeniable inevitability that she had no hope of escaping.

"Oh my God!" a voice exclaimed, intruding itself on her calm as the sliding glass door to the house slid opened and Alexis burst through it.

"What?" Kate asked, sitting up quickly and nearly toppling the table holding her drink in the process.

"You have to come shopping with us next time. They have the cutest sandals I've ever seen. Gram even got a pair." Then she paused and eyed Kate for a moment. "You look a little pink. You remembered to put on sunscreen, right?"

"Yes, I remembered," Kate assured her as she sat back in the chair and stretched out again.

"What time is Dad's flight getting in?"

"At five-thirty. I was thinking about going to the airport to get him. He said he'd take a cab, but I thought it would be a nice surprise."

"I have another nice surprise for you," she announced in a voice that said she was very proud of herself for accomplishing whatever it was. "Grams is going back to the city for the weekend. She has some kind of business to take care of and I will be spending the weekend with my friend Maggie. We're going out on her parent's boat and won't be back until Sunday."

"You're going to spend the weekend on a boat?" Kate asked taking her attention away from the waves breaking against the beach and turning it to the girl beside her.

"Well," Alexis shrugged in response. "It's a big boat and we're taking it down to Myrtle Beach."

"Who all is coming on this excursion?" Kate wanted to know, not sure exactly how to react to the news.

"Just some of my friends. I've known them all since grade school. It'll be fine. It's a tradition. We do it every summer," Alexis explained. Her eyes turned serious suddenly and the smile fell from her lips. "I'm not sure if I've said this yet, but just in case, I'm really glad you came with us."

"I'm really glad I came, too. I've needed a vacation for a long time."

"Can I ask you something?" she said in a voice full of trepidation.

"Of course, you can ask me anything," Kate assured her.

She hesitated for a moment longer, then wet her lips. "What are you going to do when you get back to the city?"

Kate sighed. "I'm really not sure."

"Have you thought about getting your job back? I'm sure you could talk to Captain Gates," Alexis suggested.

"I'm not sure I want my job back," Kate announced bluntly.

"You're going to give it all up and become the Hampton's newest resident beach bum?" Alexis joked.

"Maybe. I could definitely get used to this," Kate agreed.

Alexis looked off over the ocean and Kate thought that maybe the discussion was over as the silence dragged on. "No, you couldn't," she said finally.

She thought about that for a moment even though she knew she didn't need to. Alexis was right. Even now, the nothingness that stretched out to fill her days was getting to her. More often than not, she was antsy, agitated without a reason to be. She was supposed to be relaxing, enjoying the rare opportunity to rest and recuperate. That was what she kept telling herself. If she could only make herself agree...

It certainly wasn't the surroundings keeping her from enjoying herself. The house was magnificent. The beach was beautiful. It was the perfect setting for forgetting your troubles and just being. She suspected the home's owners had intended that. Kate was sure that Martha, Alexis and Rick had worked hard to make the most peaceful, welcoming, beautiful environment she'd ever seen.

The house itself was tastefully decorated with cool, refreshing colors of blues and yellows. Beige granite tile covered the lower floor, while a nearly white carpet donned the upper one. White siding and huge plate glass windows made up the walls on both floors and the master bedroom's balcony was one of Kate's favorite spots in the house. Surrounded by plant life to aid in it's feeling of seclusion, it held Rick's favorite place in the house, too, the hammock where he spent most of his days when he was at home.

A short book tour had taken him away this time. And while he'd been gone less than a week, Kate couldn't ignore how much she missed him even after such a short time apart. It wasn't like her. She wasn't the clingy, needy type. But somehow every minute she spent away from him felt like an eternity.

This was all his fault, in fact. He'd insisted she come with him to the Hamptons for the summer, telling her that what she needed was some time away from everything so she could think and get her head on straight. He'd been right. She had needed the time away.

But as July began to fade into oblivion and August started peaking around the corner, the question was becoming a pressing one. What was she going to do when she returned the city and the life she'd escaped from?

"No, you're right," Kate concluded after another long pause. "I probably couldn't."

Alexis shifted and got to her feet. "You aren't the beach bum type. The Hamptons are a great place for escaping. But sooner or later, whatever you're escaping from finds you," she said sagely, sounding so much like her father it was scary, before turning on her heel and heading off towards the house. She stopped with her hand on the glass door and turned back to Kate. "You and Dad have a great weekend. Tell him I love him and I'll see him Sunday." Then she went inside and slid the door back into place behind her.

Kate returned her attention to the ocean in front of her. White capped waves slapped against the tan colored sand of the beach and she couldn't help but feel small and insignificant.

She'd spent the last month battling so many conflicting feelings inside her she wasn't sure how she felt anymore. Fear and worry over an uncertain professional future and loss, defeat and guilt over her mother's murder investigation battled for dominance in her mind.

But that was only until he wrapped her in his arms and told her it was all going to be okay. It had become a mantra for him. And somehow, he always seemed to know when she needed to hear it. Whether he was psychic or just extremely perceptive, she didn't know or care. All she did know was that however he did it, it was always perfectly timed and served to drive all the pain and fear from her in an instant.

She never had to explain what she was feeling. Like some gypsy reading her palm, he could read the lines on her face and know exactly what was going on in her mind. Whether he was telling her not to worry, or it wasn't her fault, he delivered the perfect line every time and right on cue with where her mind was. It was like he had a gift.

It was when he was away that her subconscious spun out of control. With nothing to distract her, she felt like she just might lose herself in the thoughts raging in her brain. How would she pay her bills without her job? What would she do to fill the unending days without the precinct? How could she walk away from her mother's investigation? Was she giving up after all this time when the answers finally seemed so close? Would her mother understand her need to let it all go and move on with her life? Was she even capable of that?

She was trying. At least, that was what she called what she was doing. Letting it go and moving on. It wasn't easy. Thoughts of the investigation plagued her around every turn. So many unanswered questions. So many things she didn't know. Most importantly of all those things was why. She'd never managed to figure out why. And now she was giving up without ever knowing.

When she wasn't busy dwelling on that, she was occupied with the daunting question of where to go from here. Where did she fit in the world if she was no longer a cop? She didn't even know how to be anything else.

She determinedly chased those ideas out of her mind. She could do this on her own. Wanting Castle and needing him were two very different things. She didn't mind wanting him. She could live with that. In fact, she wasn't sure she even knew how to live without wanting him anymore. She'd wanted him for so long now, it was a part of her. But needing him, that she couldn't live with. She'd never needed anyone else before. She'd always been so determined to get by on her own. Her independence was something that defined her. She couldn't just let that go.

No, she was going to have to find a way to work through all this on her own. She wouldn't let herself become depend on him to pick her up and dust her off every time things weren't going right for her. She needed to able to pick her own self up, dust her own self off.

But, God, it would be so easy to just let him do it. He wanted to. He told her that often. He wanted to be whatever she needed him to be. If that role was stalwart on a white horse, riding in to chase her demons away, then he would do that. And that might be what she wanted from him at this point in her life, but it certainly wasn't what she needed.

She could do this. She could pick up the pieces and move on. She could turn this around and figure it all out. And she would, she just needed time.

He seemed to understand that, too. He never pushed, never demanded she talk about her feelings, or her future. He just patiently stood by and waited, with a easy smile and a confidence that said that wherever her future did take her, he would be right there with her.

That was more of a comfort than she could tell him.

Her phone twittered at her from the table and she reached for it.

_I'm just boarding my plane. I don't think I've ever been so happy to be coming home. _

She smiled as she read the text and immediately began typing her response.

_I've missed you, too_, she sent quickly.

_Should be there in a few hours. I can't wait to see you_, he answered.

She put the phone away, feeling better knowing he was on his way back to her, and climbed out of the chair. The crystal clear blue waters of the pool beckoned her and she made the short walk over to it quickly. Then she peeled the flimsy, red wrap from around her waist, dropped it to the deck and dived in.


	2. Chapter 2

Rick Castle was smack in the middle of what was quickly becoming the longest flight of his life. He glanced down at the gold Rolex on his wrist and had to squint to see the position of the hands resting over the tiny diamond chips set in the watch's face. A birthday gift from Gina right after they were married, he'd been meaning to replace the over-the-top, pretentious piece of jewelry for years with something much more his style. Something with lots of buttons and features, perhaps. The fact that it was moving so unbelievably slowly only served to reinforce that notion.

His few hours had turned into more like six due mostly to a delay in his pick up flight from O'hare. Now it looked as if it would late evening before he made it back to where he wanted to be so badly. It had been a long, long time since he'd been so excited to get home he could scarcely sit still.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he reached for hoping it was her on the other end. His face fell when the name on the screen wasn't Kate's, but he pushed away the disappointment and pressed the button that would connect the call.

"Ricky!" the gruff, yet upbeat voice said as soon as he said hello. "We've missed you at the game the last few weekends. Please tell me you're going to make it to the one tonight."

The poker game. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd sat down with his friends for a night of cards and shop talk. It had been so long it was almost tempting. Almost.

"Jim, how are you?" he asked James Paterson, his long time friend and colleague.

"I'm good. It's been a while, Ricky. Tell me you're on your way to my place right now."

Rick shifted and tried to ignore the young boy behind him who was banging his feet against the back of his seat.

"I'm sorry, Jim. I'm afraid I'm going to have to disappoint you. I'm in the air right now. But I'm on my way home." Rick sighed. "I've been in California for almost a week and I'm really looking forward to getting back to the Cape and relaxing."

"Come on, the weather here is beautiful. Susan and Jack are gone for the weekend. We may not stop playing until Sunday. We'd really like to relieve you of some of hard earned fortune of yours, or is there a better offer waiting for you at the Cape?"

Rick chuckled. "Well, there is that."

"Please don't tell me it's your awful ex-wife again."

"Which of my ex-wives did you think was awful?"

"Both of them," James answered sardonically.

Rick huffed disgustedly. " Well, it isn't either of my ex-wives."

"Someone new then?" his friend prompted. When Rick didn't answer immediately, James made a noise that sounded like surprise. "Don't tell me it's your detective."

"Alright, I won't. But I will say I'm sorry for cutting out on you guys again. But I really can't tonight. Maybe next weekend?"

James laughed. "Yeah, right. I'll tell you what, you give us a call when you finally come up for air. Just don't wait too long. We're starting to think you don't like us anymore."

They said their goodbyes and hung up, but instead of putting the phone away he began typing.

_Just got a call from Jim inviting me to his place in Florida for cards, _he typed.

While he waited on a reply, he glanced out the tiny porthole window on his left and felt a surge of adrenaline rush through him as New York City began to appear over the horizon.

_Are you going? _She asked at last.

_I thought about it, _he sent. But before she had a chance to answer. He started typing again. _But then I thought about the fact that you were waiting for me and I quickly told him no._

"Sir, we're about to start our approach," a plump, blond, flight attendant said as she passed him in the aisle.

Rick turned his phone off and put it in his pocket before sitting back and watching the Sun start it's descent towards the horizon.

By the time he got off the plane and got through baggage claim the brilliantly blue, cloudless sky was turning into a steel gray with shots of red and orange thrown in for flavor.

He grabbed the first cab he came to and quickly told the driver the address of his destination. "There's an extra hundred in it for you if you can get me there before the sun sets," he added.

The cabbie pulled away from the curb with a smile. "You afraid of the dark?"

Rick laughed and glanced out at the sunset once again. It was a spectacular sight. Yellow, orange and red filled the sky, combining and entwining together to put on a show worthy of a master artist's brush. "Do you see that sunset?" he asked the driver.

The woman, short, dark-haired and more masculine than feminine, took her attention away from the traffic long enough to glance up out the windshield. "It's a pretty one."

"There is a woman on my deck right now. I would very much like to see her surrounded by that sunset. And if we hurry, I think I can just make it," he explained.

The cabbie glanced into the rear view mirror and threw him a lopsided, crooked-toothed smile. "You just sit back and relax. I'll get you there."

Rick did as he was told, sitting back against the broken vinyl of the seat and closing his eyes. The anticipation was killing him. He tried to picture her in his mind and the image that came to him nearly took his breath away.

Her hair was wet as she would have just taken a shower after a day of lounging by the pool. She was dressed in what had quickly became her favorite attire since arriving at his house in the Hamptons, his Beatles sweatshirt. Entirely too big for her, it hit her at mid thigh and hung off of her shoulder giving him an enticing glimpse of her perfect flesh. Her long, toned, tanned legs were stretched out in front of her, leading right down to the red nailed toes of her bare feet. In her hand she held a glass of iced tea, the outside dripping with condensation and running over her fingers making the skin glisten with moisture. The red and orange of the sunset would play exquisitely through her hair, against her shoulder, across her legs.

His entire body hummed with excitement, then plunged in disappointment when the light behind his still closed eyes dimmed further still. He blinked them open to gauge the time and felt another rush as he realized he didn't have much left.

He leaned forward again and caught the driver's eyes with the rear view. "Two hundred," he said simply and then fell back against the seat when the cabbie nodded and the vehicle surged forward in a rush of speed.

What he found when he finally did arrive was exactly like he'd imagined, only better. He hadn't quite been able to anticipate the actual affect of the colors of the sunset bouncing off the water and landing across her. The added touch of pink now joined the other vibrate colors and combined to make her normal tone appear even more rosy, more warm and inviting. His fingers twitched with the need to feel that skin under them. His chest lurched as he watched her lift her face towards the horizon, then glance down at the watch on her wrist, then back to the horizon once again.

He imagined that she was thinking about him, wondering where he was, what was taking him so long. When she reached for her phone, glanced at the screen, then tossed it back to the table with a dejected sigh, he knew he was right and that knowledge made things in his chest constrict and twist. The fact that she wanted him as much as he wanted her still astounded him.

Watching her sitting there, anxiously awaiting his return, he felt as if he'd won some kind of Karmic lottery. He couldn't imagine what he'd done to deserve having her in his life.

He slid the door open as quietly as he could and stepped out onto the deck with all the stealth he could summon. Sneaking up on her probably wasn't the best plan he'd ever had. Years of honing her instincts on the police force and reflexes that could put a cat to shame, said that he didn't have much of a chance anyway.

She turned just as he stepped up behind her chair and the smile she wore sent his heart soaring. "Finally," she laughed. "I was beginning to think you'd decided to take your buddies up on their offer and abandoned me."

He leaned over the back of the chair and kissed her, a soft, gentle kiss that in no way conveyed the emotions playing through him. But it was a start. "Never even crossed my mind," he assured her after pulling away. He let his eyes roam over her body leisurely. "The house looks empty," he commented with what he hoped sounded like innocent curiosity. "Where is everyone?"

Kate got out of the chair and stretched her long, lean length in a move he was almost certain was meant to tease him, especially when she answered, "Martha went back to the loft for the weekend and Alexis is headed to Myrtle Beach on her friend's boat. She said they do it every year and to tell you she'd be back on Sunday and she loves you."

He'd already heard about his daughter's plans so he knew in advance that she wasn't home. The news of his mother's departure as well and the knowledge that they were completely alone had caused him to lose focus on whatever else she was telling him. "So we have the house to ourselves?" he murmured, just to be sure.

Her eyes found his and the look she gave him was as sultry and heated as the air around them. She didn't answer, choosing instead to simply nod almost imperceptibly.

His gaze stayed locked to hers as he slid the jacket from his shoulders and let it fall to the deck at his feet. "Do we have plans that I should know about?" he asked as he toed off his shoes and cast them aside as well, then started on the buttons of his shirt. "Dinner guests arriving any time soon? Friends in crisis on their way over? Reservations we need to keep? Anything that involves the outside world?"

The shirt dropped to join his jacket as she nodded once again, still locked into his stare, still watching him with that look that said she wanted to eat him alive. He only hoped the look he was giving her in return was nearly as electrifying.

"No dinner guests," she said taking a step closer to him. "No friends." Another step. "No reservations." Step. "Nothing that involves anyone besides you and me." As the last words fell from her lips, she pulled his shirt over her head and let it join his growing pile of clothing.

The minute her naked flesh met his eyes, he was gone. He immediately abandoned his fumbling attempt with his belt and grabbed for her, snatching her into him with a force that almost took his breath. Her arms circled his shoulders as she fought to steady herself and his hands splayed across her back to aid her.

He leaned down and brushed his lips over the puckered skin of the scar that rested between her breasts in a move that had become something of a ritual for him, an act of reverence and gratitude to whatever God had saved her for him when he was on the verge of losing her forever.

She shivered in his arms and wound her fingers through his hair, cradling his head to her chest.

As he moved his lips over the swell of her breast, his hand came to rest over the scar. She used her free hand to cover it and press his fingers into her flesh. That was her ritual, her own act of gratitude. They were both people who understood the importance of observing the those kind of Rites. It was their way of remembering how close they'd come to never knowing what it felt like to be in each others arms.

He pulled away and found her eyes with his and for one moment the heat rescinded. The warmth that replaced it had nothing to do with lust and everything to do what with the emotions that almost suffocated him every time he looked at her. He cradled her jaw in his palm letting himself enjoy the feel of her skin under his fingertips as he covered her quivering lips with his own.

He swallowed her groan of pleasure as his tongue caressed hers and returned it with a groan of his own.

While he was busy exploring the dark, hot recesses of her mouth, her hands worked their way down his chest, bumping over ribs and muscles until they reached their destination. The minute her fingers brushed against his hardness as she slid his zipper down, the heat was back, in full lustful glory and perhaps even hotter than it had been only moments before.

She was all he knew and feeling her against him was all he could think about. Everything else fell away as she leaned into him, pressing her breasts into his chest with an insistence that nearly drove him mad.

Kate was the one to pull away this time and as she did, she cast a glance over her shoulder. "We should probably take this inside."

He chuckled as the realization hit him that she was standing completely nude on the deck not fifty feet away from where tourist meandered up and down the beach at all hours of the day and night. And while it appeared to be abandoned now, that could change in a moment. "Not an exhibitionist?" he asked, tracing his fingers down the long length of her arm until his fingers found hers. He entwined them together, resting his palm against hers as he turned towards the house.

"I don't mind. But I figured you might be shy," she replied with a wicked grin as she leaned into him and grabbed his earlobe between her teeth.

"Normally I wouldn't care either, but this is summer and the Hamptons. Reporters tended to view this place as something of a Mecca this time of year." He squeezed her hand and brushed his lips over the curve of her neck. "Seeing you like this is not something I want to share with the general public. I prefer to think of you as part of my own private art collection."

They stepped inside together and he slid the door shut, taking the time to click the lock into place as well. As the sheer, light blue curtain fell over the opening, shutting the outside world out, she came back into his arms. "I really missed you," she whispered, her breath skirting across his check.

"Not as much as I missed you," he answered, wrapping an arm around her waist and using it to usher her towards the living room.

"Prove it," she murmured against his lips, offering him a challenge he was helpless to back down from.


	3. Chapter 3

She was running, running so hard her heart hammered against her ribcage, her throat was dry from the gasping breathes she tried to drag into her lungs, and her legs felt as if there were lead weights attached to her ankles. But she couldn't stop. There was too much at stack to risk even a moment to pause.

Readjusting her grip on the pistol in her sweating hand, she came up to one of the post that held the huge house off the ground and saved it from flood waters that were always a lurking threat on the coast. She hesitated there for a split second, just long enough to glance around and reassess her surroundings.

From her position hidden behind the post she could see no movement, no looming danger and she thought, for a wild moment, that something had happened to throw her enemies off and make them break their pursuit. But she was too smart to fall for that trick.

No, they were out there somewhere. They were out there, armed and gunning for her. She was sure of it. The moment she broke cover and presented them with a target, they'd be ready.

She wasn't about to let that happen.

A movement on the deck of the house next door brought her attention there quickly and she trained the pistol along with her eyes there. Her neighbor, a woman that nearly matched Kate in height, hair color and size, stepped up to the railing and when she did, her eyes fell to Kate and she smiled.

Kate waved her away quickly, not wanting her to give away her position. But it was too late, the moment the woman acknowledged her, Kate heard the sound of footsteps coming up behind her.  
She spun, gun at the ready, but she was a moment too late on the trigger. The sensor on her chest buzzed loudly with the sound of a kill shot and she dropped her gun in defeat.

"Alright, that wasn't fair," she announced as both Castle and Alexis approached her holding their own pistols and wearing sensors as well.

She was pretty sure it was Alexis that got her. And Castle's face, beaming with pride, told her she was right.

"I didn't mean to mess up your game," the neighbor said over the railing.

"It's okay. If you hadn't intervened this could have gone on for days," Castle assured her. "We've already been at it for hours."

"I think it's time for dinner. Is anyone else hungry? Oh, wait, that's right," Alexis stated proudly. "The loser has to cook tonight. So what are we having, Kate?"

"I hadn't really thought about it," Kate answered as she slid the sensor vest over her head. "I wasn't expecting to lose. I guess I need to head into town and go shopping."

"Did someone say shopping?" Martha asked, leaning over the railing of their deck and waving to them.

Rick took Kate's vest and handed it off to Alexis, who was busily gathering all the equipment from their day of play, plastic shovels and buckets from the sandcastles of the morning, the Lazertag equipment from their afternoon.

"Give me a sec to put all this away and I'll go with you," Alexis offered a little too quickly, a little too emphatically, surprising both Rick and Kate.

"You want to go to the grocery store with me?" Kate asked, eying her suspiciously.

"Bag boy," Martha supplied, where she was still leaning over the railing watching them.

Rick, who was in process of slipping his arm around Kate's waist, paused in mid motion and eyed his daughter with raised eyebrows, silently prompting her for details.

Alexis gave a little huff as the rose of a blush came to her checks. "Okay, so there might be a boy..."

"I need a shower before we go. So take you time, go do the 'girl thing'," Kate suggested. "I won't go without you."

"I want to go now, too," Castle interjected as he lead them up the stairs to the deck.

Kate caught his eye and gave him a tiny little nod. "We'll be fine on our own. Don't you have some writing to do?"

"I wrote yesterday," he whined, ignoring her silent cue. "I'm taking the day off."

"Then you should relax and let us handle dinner," Kate answered.

"So you want me to go to the den, sit in my recliner with a cold beer while my womenfolk take care of feeding me?" he asked with a chuckle.

"For tonight," Kate replied.

"But don't worry, Dad. We'll leave the dishes for you," Alexis added as she brushed past them and into the house.

"But I want to see the boy," he argued at his daughter's retreating back.

Kate brought his face to hers with a hand on his jaw. "Remember how you asked me to tell you when you were being an overbearing father?"

"No," he answered, shaking his head despite her hand trying to hold it still.

"Well, I'm taking the initiative and telling you, you're being an overbearing father."

"But she doesn't care that you're going," he protested.

"I'm not her mother."

"Fine," he conceded finally. "But you'll tell me all about him?"

Kate nodded. "I'll give you a full report later tonight. Right after you do the dishes."

"Detective Ryan called for you while you were out playing," Martha said to Kate as soon as they stepped inside the blissfully air conditioned house.

Kate turned to her quickly. "Did he say what he wanted? Was it important?"

Rick was watching her closely. She could feel his eyes on her, so she dialed down her enthusiasm over the fact that her old colleague was reaching out to her. She didn't want him to worry and she knew despite her efforts to ward him off, he worried.

"I think he was just checking in. He didn't say it was important," Martha replied and Kate had to fight to hide the disappointment she felt at that. A part of her had been hoping that he was calling because he needed her help with something. Perhaps all the sitting around and doing nothing was getting to her worse than she thought it was.

"Okay, thanks. I'll give him a call when we get back from the store," she said, working to keep her voice even and her face void of emotions.

It was after their shower before Castle said anything about it. She had hoped she'd managed to distract him long enough that he forgot the whole thing. She should have known better.

"You aren't fooling me," he whispered over her shoulder where he sat as he pulled the comb through her long, dark hair, removing the tangles from it.

"I didn't know I was trying to fool you," she said, with her chin to her chest so he could get to the ends.

"You were hoping Ryan called because he needed you for something." He told her in a voice that said there was absolutely no doubt in his belief that the statement was true.

Kate drew in a sharp breath as the comb hit a particularly bad tangle. "I don't know what you're talking about."

He sat the comb aside and put his chin on her shoulder as his arms came around her waist. "It's okay to miss it, Kate. Of course you miss it. The force was your whole life until a few weeks ago. How could you not miss it?"

"Alright, I miss it," she conceded, knowing there was no way she could make him believe it if she lied.

"Have you thought about what you're going to do now?" he asked, tentatively as if he were afraid she would be mad over the question.

"I thought we agreed that we were going to just enjoy the summer before we had to think about any of that," she reminded him. It had been his plan, after all. She'd just agreed to it and not without more than a little bit of coaxing on his part.

"We did say that. I was just wandering if you'd thought about it."

She untangled herself from his arms and got to her feet. "Of course I've thought about it," she assured him. "But I haven't made any decisions if that's what you're asking me."

He got to his feet as well and held his hands out in front of him defensively. "I'm not asking you anything. I was just wandering."

"This summer was your idea, remember? I was all ready to go look for a new job, but you said, wait, give yourself some time to let everything sink in," she said, her voice raising in volume as she felt the first stirrings of anger.

He stepped up to her and put his hands on her shoulders, stopping her before she could go into a full on pace. "Kate, I'm not pushing. I'm just asking. As far as I'm concerned, you can stay home and play with me all day every day until we're both old and gray. But this isn't about me. It's about you and I know you could never be happy with that."

All the anger seemed to drain out of her as quickly as it arrived and she stepped into him and put her head on his shoulder. The minute she did, his arms dropped from her shoulder and wrapped around her instead, pulling her in even closer. "I love you," she said, her voice muffled by his thick, white robe.

"I love you, too. And I have every confidence that you are going to work all this out. I just want to be kept in the loop," he answered.

"You are my loop right now. When I make a decision, I promise you'll be the first to know," she assured him.

"Well, technically, I'll be the second to know, since you'll actually be the first." He informed her, cheekily. Then the smile fell from his lips. "But you know, I'm here if you need to talk it out. I want to be here for you. I don't just want to know after the decision is made. I want to help you. Can I ask you something without you getting mad?"

She pulled back and looked up into his face, worried for a moment what the question might be. But she finally gave him a little nod to prompt him to go on and ask it anyway.

"Have you thought about talking to Gates?"

"Getting my old job back?" she asked, surprised by the suggestion. "I thought you were happy I quit."

He sighed, let his arms drop from around her and flopped down on the side of the bed. "I never said I was happy you quit. I'm happy you aren't in any kind of imminent danger. I'm happy you aren't hanging from rooftops or walking around with a target on your back. But I never said I was happy you quit. Besides, like I said, this isn't about me. It's about you and I know that being a cop makes you happy. It's who you are, Kate. And I never want you to be anything besides who you are, especially if you're just doing it because you think it's what I want. I want you to be happy. That's all I'll ever want."

She stood there staring at him for some time, in amazement.

Finally, he shifted and quirked his eyebrow up at her. "What?" he asked. "Do I have something on my face?"

She sighed. "There are times that I really want to sit down and right a letter of gratitude to Harrison Tisdale."

He looked at her in confusion. "Harrison Tisdale? The guy that staged his murders like the ones in my books?"

"I'm betting Harrison Tisdale has no idea of the impact he had on my life," she smiled as she came to sit beside him on the bed.

Suddenly, he nodded as if he finally understood. "He's the reason you came looking for me."

"Exactly," she confirmed for him.

"Well, then," he smiled over at her as he took her hand and laced his fingers with hers. "I guess I owe him some gratitude as well. Do they let inmates at Sing Sing accept fruit baskets?"


	4. Chapter 4

It was the sirens that woke him, though he didn't know how. He had to chalk it up to being at the coast because in the city, he slept through the sound of sirens every night. But with the balcony doors opened to let in the fresh, gentle, breeze coming off the ocean, the quiet movement of the curtains and soothing sound of the waves lolling against the beach had no chance of competing with the blaring alarms that rose from the top of what Rick had come to recognize as a fire truck.

He almost ignored it. The feel of Kate's warm, shapely bottom pressed into his groin, her breast under his palm and the smell of her hair overpowering the aroma of the salty air were almost too much for him to fight against.

Then she stirred, obviously awoken by the sirens as well and turned to face him. "What's going on?" she asked sleepily.

"I don't know. Sounds like a fire truck," he answered, before placing a quick kiss to her too irresistible lips.

"It's close. Next door maybe," she surmised after listening for a moment in silence.

Rick climbed off the bed and grabbed the white, cotton robe from the wicker rocking chair beside the bed. Kate followed close on his heels, snatching on her own blue robe while following him to the balcony to see for herself.

The sound of the fire truck had been joined by that of both police car and an ambulance now and all three were piling into the front yard of the house next door.

They stood there watching for a few moments, wondering if they should intervene since neither of them were actually with the Force any longer.

When he couldn't take anymore of Kate bouncing on the balls of her feet and wringing her hands impatiently, he took her by the arm and lead her towards the closet.

They both threw on the first thing they grabbed and headed for the stairs. The sound of his mother and Alexis coming out of their own rooms and following joined in their footsteps trotting down the stairs at a fast clip.

They hit the front door with Rick a step behind Kate and Alexis right at his back.

He let her go and watched as she caught up to one of the men in blue milling around the side of the ambulance. The first police car had been joined by another and then a moment later by another still.

He heard Kate ask the officer that seemed to be in charge of securing the perimeter what was happening and if she could help.

She returned to them a moment later with a miffed expression on her face.

"What did he say?" Rick asked, his hand resting over Alexis' which was resting on his shoulder as she stood behind him and peeked around at the scene. Martha was on his other side, standing a step behind him as well. He wondered if they were both inadvertently using him as a human shield in case whatever was going on next door wandered their way. But he squeezed his daughter's hand, glanced at his mother's drawn, worried face and decided that was just where he wanted both of them. Just in case.

Kate might not be the type to let him indulge in his hero fantasies, but that was okay. He had his other girls for that.

Kate gave an exasperated sigh as she headed back inside. "He said the same thing I've said to neighbors and Lookie-Lous at crime scenes, Go back inside and an officer will be around to talk with us shortly."

His other girls abandoned him to her, following behind her as she stepped back into the house. He stood there watching the house next door for a moment longer before joining them with just as much dejection as he'd witnessed on Kate's face.

Neither of them cared much for being out of the loop.

The interview was a short one and the detective conducting was good at her job. She revealed nothing about what was going on next door to either Rick or Kate and that was after Kate informed her of her job history. It might have had more pull if the pale, blond willowy looking woman had been a member of the NYPD, but this was the Hamptons and they had their own police department and their own club that Kate and Rick weren't a part of.

Kate was in front of the balcony doors now, pacing restlessly as she watched the scene next door. Then she turned to Rick abruptly as if a thought had just occurred to her. "You don't think something happened to Anne, do you? I haven't seen her over there." she asked, referring to the woman who had inadvertently given her position away earlier in the day.

"I was thinking maybe Steven had a heart attack or something," Castle answered speaking of Anne's husband who spent his weeks working in the city as a real estate developer. Rick had assumed he'd come in earlier in the afternoon, since that was his habit on Fridays.

Kate immediately shook her head. "No, if it was something like that they wouldn't have the perimeter contained and they wouldn't need that many cops. Something happened there. They've set up a crime scene."

Rick pulled himself off the side of the bed and glanced at the clock beside the bed. "Kate, it's four in the morning. There is nothing you can do. The Hamptons police department made it very clear that they don't want or need your help. So come back to bed," he urged taking her by the shoulders and leading her where he wanted her.

She was allowing him to ushered her over to the bed, but her eyes and her mind were still on their neighbors. "You didn't hear anything at all?"

"No, and like you told the detective, you didn't either. We can't help."

She sat down on the side of the bed, but instead of pulling her legs up and snuggling in under the sheet, she reached for her phone. "Who are you calling at this hour?" he asked.

"Esposito or Ryan, whoever will answer." she informed him.

He grabbed the phone and closed it before any calls went out. "Both of them will answer the minute they see it's you calling, but they will assume it's some kind of emergency and you'll panic them for no reason. Wait until morning. Then call."

She stopped reaching for the phone and her shoulders slumped in defeat. "I really hate it when that happens," she told him.

"When what happens?" he asked, setting the phone aside and giving her a little wave to prompt her to move over and let him in the bed as well.

"When you're right. I don't like it at all when you're right and I'm wrong," she answered from what had become her side of the bed. It had worked out just fine since when she slept alone she preferred the right side. He normally took the left. So there was no adjustment period for either of them where sleeping was concerned.

"Well, it isn't like it happens that often, so let me have my moment," he said moving closer to the center of the bed and pulling her into his side. She came willingly against him and rested her head on the bare skin of his shoulder. "Look, I know this is killing you. I get it. We'll call Esposito in the morning and he can tell us what happened."

He was more than a little alarmed by the sudden feel of moisture on his shoulder. But he hid it well, not letting on that he even noticed. "It's not just not knowing that's killing me. It's..." she let the sentence trail away on the end of a breath. He lay completely still against her, overjoyed that he was finally, hopefully getting what he really wanted from her and overwhelmed that she'd finally decided to give in and talk to him. This was an important step. How he played this could be the difference in standing outside the window looking in at her for the rest of his life or joining her on the inside. He thought he'd never wanted anything more in his life than being inside with her. She shifted, turning her back to him while at the same time dragging his arm around her and holding it securely against her waist. "I feel so helpless and useless."

He nestled his chin over her shoulder and took in the scent of her hair as he tightened his arm around her further still.

"I've never felt useless before. I don't like it," she continued after a moment.

"That's because you belong over there with all those other cops, making a difference in the best way you know how," he answered, quietly, soothingly.

"How do you know I won't be just as good at making a difference in some way that doesn't include getting shot at or death threats?" she mused.

"You might. I think you would find a way to make a difference no matter what you do." He told her. "But I believe that everybody has a place, a spot that their supposed to fill. You can fight it if you want, but you'll never be happy not doing what you are supposed to do," He turned her far enough that he could see her face and locked his gaze with hers. "And you Kate, are a cop. It's your place in the world and by not filling it, you're not just punishing yourself for no reason, you're punishing all those victims that don't have you fighting for them." She broke away from his stare when her eyes filled with tears and he let her, settling back behind her and letting her have her moment. "You aren't useless. You couldn't be helpless if you tried."

She shifted again, this time turning in his arms. She stared at his lips as she spoke and her voice sounded fragile and foreign. "It isn't just about me anymore." She squeaked out shakily. "I would never want to put you through the kind of pain I went through when I lost my mother. Or Alexis or Martha."

He pulled her head in close and kissed her forehead. "That's the price I paid when I fell in love with you and Mother and Alexis want what I want. They want you to be happy. You let us worry about us. You be you, and I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but you aren't you without a shield and a gun. It's as much a part of who you are as a keyboard and words are part of who I am." The look on her face as she listened said he hadn't yet made his point so he went on. "You know as well as I do that this, he gestured wildly with his hand in the air to indicate the space, "This isn't ever going to be enough for you. You need more. I don't take offensive at that. I knew that coming into this thing. I never expected you to give up everything and fall into my bed for the rest of our lives."

She sat silently tracing the line of his cheek, staring at his lips for a handful of long, contemplative moments. Then she wet her lips with the tip of her tongue and smiled a little shyly. "You really were enough for those first few weeks. Hell, for the first month." She told him.

"And that says more about how you feel about me than you could ever tell me," he answered.

"I'll call Gates and talk to her," she announced finally.

He sat up quickly with his hands out as if warding off an attack. "Okay, now don't be mad..." he began as he started in his effort to slip away from her.

"About what?" she demanded, narrowing her eyes at him suspiciously.

"I was worried, you know, about whether they might fill your job while you were in the process of making your decision," He tried to explain.

He was off the bed now and backing away from her slowly. "I called the mayor a few weeks ago and we had a talk over a game of golf."

"About me?! You had a talk with the Mayor over a game of golf about me?"

"I just wanted to make sure that your place would still be there for you when you decided to go back," he defended himself.

"He's making Gates hold my job for me until I'm ready to come back?" she asked, off the bed now and advancing on him.

He dropped his hands to his sides, ready to take whatever she wanted to dish out at him. But he wasn't quite through making his argument. "See, Esposito told me Gates was interviewing some detectives, looking for your replacement. I knew you would want to go back eventually. I knew you just needed some time, but I also knew that it was a decision you needed to make on your own, and not feel rushed about. So I asked my friend, the Mayor, to do me a favor."

"What if I hadn't decided to go back? What if I'd decided to be a rent-a-cop at some mall?"

"You weren't going to do that. I know you, Kate. I knew you'd go back," he tried to reason with her.

She stopped her advance and just looked at him for a few moments. "Did you tell your buddy, the Mayor, about us?" She wanted to know.

"What?! No, of course not. I went to him because he knows I'm your friend and I want the best for you. Coincidentally, I didn't even have to talk him into it. He agreed right away. Jumped on it, in fact. He thinks very highly of you." Flattery, maybe flattery would work to still the anger he could plainly see burning in her eyes.

It did, but only so much. The fire in her eyes dimmed, but it didn't go out. "And what about Gates? Did she agree readily and jump on it?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask."

"I'm betting not," she answered her own question sagely. "I'm betting she's sitting in her office day after day, staring at my empty desk, picking up all the extra work since I'm not there and resenting the hell out of me more and more every day."

"What? No, Gates likes you. It's me she hates," he replied quickly.

She gave a huff of frustration and dropped her hands to her sides. "And that's another thing. Do you really think Gates is going to let us work together now that we're _together?_"

He let his own arms fall to his sides as he thought about it. It hadn't occurred to him that there might be rules against partners dating. "I hadn't thought about that, actually," he admitted. "But we can work it out," he added, changing gears quickly. "We'll figure it out, Kate."

"We'd have to keep us a secret. No one can know. None of our friends. I won't put them in a position where they have to lie for me," she insisted.

"Do you really think we can hide us from Ryan and Esposito? They're homicide detectives, and exceptionally good ones, at that. How long do you think we can keep this from them? And Lanie? I'm pretty sure she already knows you're spending the summer with me."

Kate turned on her heel and cussed under her breath at the same time. "Damn it, you're right. She knows where I am. She knows everything."

Rick moved past her and flopped down on the side of the bed. "I can stop shadowing you. Go back to writing full time. There won't be a problem if I'm not your partner," he suggested dejectedly.

Kate spun on him so abruptly he almost shrank back in surprise. "That is NOT an option. I don't even want to go back to the force if you aren't coming with me. You are my partner. It can't be any other way."

His heart twisted in his chest at her confession but he wasn't about to let her give up the one thing that could make her happy over him. "You did it all the time before I came around. You can do it again. You loved being a cop before I showed up. Nothing's changed."

"Everything's changed," she insisted. Then she came to sit beside him on the bed. "You know I've never had a partner before. Captain Montgomery tried to find someone I could work with for a while, but he figured out pretty fast that I'm better alone. Or I was until I started working with you. I can't do this alone anymore, Rick. I need you. I need to know that it's you at my back. No one else will ever be good enough again. I can't trust anyone else like I trust you."

They sat there silently for a while, hands joined and resting on Rick's thigh, but neither of them moved or spoke as they lost themselves in their own thoughts.

Then Rick sat up and squeezed her hand. "I have an idea."

"An idea?" she asked with a touch of fear.

"I have a plan that will put everything back the way it was," he answered with his chest puffed out in pride over his brilliant scheme.

"Everything? Even us?"

"Oh no," he chuckled as he pulled her into his arms. "I'm not ever letting you go. THAT is not an option."

She sighed in what sounded like relief. "Okay, tell me about your plan."


	5. Chapter 5

She hadn't wanted to do it. She hated lying. She wasn't any good at it. It wasn't the not telling the truth part. She could do that with convincing ease. It was deceiving the people in her life that she considered friends. That's what got her. In the end, it was always the guilt that got her.

But she told herself it was for the greater good. Castle had spent a solid two hours trying to convince her it was their best option for putting things back the way they were before. She still hadn't agreed until she got the call from Esposito telling her about the murder that occurred next door.

A professional hit. That's how he described it and the local police were baffled because it didn't appear that the woman had any reason at all for having a hit put out on her. Then Espo handed the phone off to an obviously spooked Ryan who warned her to be careful. He said he didn't know why, but he had a feeling and it hadn't escaped Kate's notice that the woman could have passed for her under the best circumstances. Same height, same hair color, same build.

And now, she was spooked as well. Shadows seemed to jump out at her at every turn. She felt alone and more vulnerable than she ever had without her shield and her gun. Getting them back was a priority now.

She hadn't shared her worries with Castle. She didn't want to alarm him when she had nothing to go on but a hunch and Ryan's feeling. In her mind, she kept telling herself she was being paranoid. If Cole Maddox wanted her dead, she'd be dead. She never would have made it off the side of the building. He could have ended her so easily. Yet he didn't. She didn't know why not, but she was grateful for it.

The elevator doors slid open and she went into the twelfth precinct with a light step despite her heavy heart. It had been months since she'd breathed the over conditioned air and heard the sounds of bustle and activity all around her. Months since she'd walked across the ugly linoleum flooring under her feet.

And yet, she felt like she was home and she knew she was more than ready to get back to work.

If only the bad guys were cooperating, she sighed and immediately hated herself for even thinking something like that.

The murder board was blank. There wasn't a single case in her file box and she was upset because of it. She wondered how she'd ever gotten to the point that she wanted someone to lose their life just because she was rearing to go on the hunt for bad guys. It was unconscionable for the idea to have ever popped into her head.

She stashed her purse in the bottom drawer of her desk and did a quick check of her email. Finding nothing to grab her attention, she sighed again.

"It's about time you got your lazy ass back to work. We're barely keeping our heads above water around here without you," Esposito said as he came towards her desk.

Kate looked around at the total lack of work with a bemused smile. "I can see that. It really looks like your drowning."

Ryan gave a shrug as he followed along behind his partner. "Well, you should have seen it yesterday. It was a madhouse."

"I bet," she replied sarcastically. "Where are we on the Ann Hastings case?"

They exchanged a quizzical look between them but Esposito cleared his throat. "We aren't anywhere on it. It's not our case."

"I know that. But what have you found out since the last time we talked?" she clarified.

"Nothing new," Ryan answered. "The Hamptons PD is playing it all pretty close to the chest."

"Maybe I'll give them a call and see what I can do."

"Why?" Esposito asked, not understanding her interest in the case so obviously Ryan wasn't sharing his hunch with him and Kate wondered why not.

"Well, you know, it happened right next door to Castle's Hamptons place."

"Speaking of Castle," Ryan interjected in an obvious ploy to change the subject. "Will he be coming back as well?"

Kate nodded. "He will in a few days. He's still in the Hamptons enjoying Alexis before she leaves him for college."

"Isn't she going to Colombia? Isn't not like she's going away."

"She is, but she's instituted a back off order and he's going to do his best to let her have it," she replied.

"Wonder how long that will last?" Espo muttered under his breath.

Ryan jabbed him on the shoulder with a twenty in his hand. "I'm going with not past Freshman Orientation."

Espo looked at the bill for a moment before taking it and stashing it in his pocket. "I'll take before the end of the first semester."

Kate rolled her eyes at them. Then she thought about it and reached into her pocket to extract her own bill. "I'm saying before she even gets moved into her dorm."

"What is going on here?" Lanie asked as she insinuated herself between the two cops.

"We're taking bets on how long Castle can go without sticking his nose into Alexis' life when she leaves for college," Espo explained.

Lanie produced her own bill and gave them a conspiratory smile. "I'll take in the first week."

Ryan and Espo cleared away, shuffling off towards their own desks as Lanie took the chair regularly occupied by Castle. "So, you know you owe me lunch and some answers."

"Answers about what?" Kate dodged.

"You know what. The last I heard you and Castle were staying at his place in the Hamptons together for the summer. Then I get a phone call saying your coming back to work and things with Castle just didn't work out. What is that all about?"

"Well, you know," Kate shrugged as she inwardly steeled herself for the conversation."We tried it for a couple of weeks and it just didn't work."

"Just didn't work?" Lanie repeated in a hushed voice as she leaned forward. "What is there about you and writer boy that doesn't work?"

"It was weird and awkward and we both decided to call it off before things got ugly so we could still work together. It was all very grown up. I should think you'd be proud of me." Kate answered, putting everything she had into the lie she was delivering. She'd known from the start that Lanie would be their hardest sell.

"Uh-uh," Lanie said with a slow head nod. "I would be if I really believed that."

"Why don't you believe me?"

"You and Castle decide that you just aren't as right for each other as you thought and I got no phone call at three in the morning for emergency booze and ice cream delivery. That's what I don't buy," her friend clarified with a wave of her hand.

Castle had suggested just such a thing, but Kate refused, thinking she'd never be able to pull it off convincingly especially if she was drinking.

"Four years of all this tension and googly-eying each other across my table in the morgue, death bed declarations of love and nearly dying in each others arms more times that I can remember and it all goes out with a whimper? I just don't buy that."

"What do you want me to say?" Kate asked, a touch defensively knowing she wasn't winning this battle. Everything Lanie was saying was right. She couldn't imagine what she'd do if she lost Rick now. Not after all she went through to find her way to him. It would be beyond devastating. She'd be beyond devastated if things didn't work out for them now. "We were wrong. Wanting to be together and actually being together were too very different things. We did what we had to do to keep our friendship. It's too important to both of us to lose."

"Now I understand," Lanie said, sitting back in her chair. "You're still with him but you're hiding it from Captain Gates so she'll let you work together." She leaned in close again and putting her hand over Kate's arm. "It's okay. You're secret's safe with me."

"There is no secret," Kate answered a little louder than she meant to causing Espo and Ryan to look over at them. "We aren't together." With the look of non-belief on Lanie's face, Kate leaned in closer and lowered her voice. "Alright, that's what's happening, but you have to promise not to say a word to anyone. No one can know."

Lanie nodded smugly. "I knew it. You can't keep something like this from me. Besides, who are you going to call at three in the morning for ice cream and booze delivery when he starts acting like a man and you need me?"

Kate sighed in ultimate defeat and knew that Rick would be disappointed in her when she told him she hadn't managed to convince her friend of their lie. Not telling him that Lanie knew was an option but she didn't want to lie to him either, so she'd suck it up and admit her failure like a big girl. That didn't mean she had to like it. "Just please Lanie, promise me you won't tell a soul."

"Are we sharing secrets?" Espo asked, suddenly there and leaning into them conspiratorially. "I want in."

"There is no secret. Besides, this is girl talk. Go whisper to Ryan about fantasy football or whatever it is you two do together," Kate answered, shoving him away.

"Ah, now I feel all left out. Are you going to share your little secret with Castle?" he pouted, but backed away all the same.

"There's a secret?" Ryan exclaimed, poking his head around his desk to join in the conversation.

"There is no secret," Kate insisted rather loudly. "Go find something to do, both of you."

Lanie was laughing quietly as she got to her feet. "You really think you two can pull this off with Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dumber always sulking around sticking their noses where they don't belong?"

Kate nodded resolutely. "Have to. We don't have any other choice."


	6. Chapter 6

It would all be okay if she could just get home. The day had been beyond long and tiresome. It was one of those days where everything that could go wrong, went wrong. The coffee maker wasn't working. She hadn't managed to get into the shower before her neighbor, Ronald and as a result, he'd used all the hot water. With a shared water tank between them, Kate had made it a habit to get up and moving before her neighbor so she get to it first. It felt a little selfish when she really gave herself time to think about it, but she really hated cold showers. Traffic had been a nightmare on the streets and on the sidewalks. Kate wasn't a stranger to New York's crowds, but today had seemed worse, like the weeks of Thanksgiving and New Years when the tourist hit them so hard.

By the time she stepped into the twelfth, she felt as if she'd been in a boxing match and lost. She spent the morning doing paperwork, an activity she found could make even a good day gloomy. But even that was worse than normal. Her pen ran out of ink and she had to spend fifteen minutes searching for a new one that actually worked. She spilled coffee down the front of her shirt when Ryan came up behind her and startled her. She was even more embarrassed by her reaction. She'd jumped nearly a foot in the air and let out this girlish little squeal she hadn't even known she was capable of making. Castle had witnessed the entire incident. It would take her weeks to live it down.

By lunch, which she took early because the bakery where her bear claw came from had been out this morning and all Castle brought her was coffee, she felt as if her day couldn't possibly get any worse. That was quickly proven wrong when Rick joined her at their table in the deli a few blocks down from the precinct. He spent the entire meal reminding her why she hated wearing the backup shirt she kept in her desk for emergencies. The gap at her breast caused by the silk, burgundy blouse being just a hair too small had commanded Rick's attention. He spent the rest of the day playing peekaboo with her bra every chance he got.

She couldn't blame him though. It had been nearly a week since they'd found time to sneak off together. This illicit affair wasn't all it was cracked up to be sometimes. The times when all she wanted was to be with him and he wasn't able to get away were torture. But at the same time, she had to admit that the few stolen kisses they managed to exchange occasionally in the storage room or on the stairwell were made that much sweeter with the knowledge that it was forbidden fruit.

She sighed in disappointment when she realized she'd be much more able to get through her very bad day if she could convince him to sneak away with her for a few of those stolen moments. That usually brightened her day. In fact she was coming to terms with the fact that she always felt better when she was in his arms. It was a revelation she was still learning to deal with.

It had been almost three months since she showed up at his door with her heart in her hand. She could still remember how her wet clothes felt against her body. She could still perfectly picture the look on his face when she told him she wanted him. She could still recall in absolute clarity the way it felt the first time he touched her, really touched her, his fingers skating across the scar on her chest. It was a memory she'd always cherish.

The problem with enticing him into the empty stairwell was that he'd gone home a few hours before after a call from Martha about a leaking pipe or some other such disaster. Now she was all alone and all she wanted to do was sink into the solid warmth of his chest and forget everything about her day from hell.

But Kate had always been a work first, play later kind of girl and she still had a few pieces of paperwork that needed doing. That didn't stop her from reaching for her phone and pressing his number on her speed dial.

"Castle." he announced as soon as they connected.

"What are the chances of you being able to get away tonight?" she asked without preamble.

He chuckled quietly. "Oh I think I could manage to sneak out."

"Sneak out? You know you're a grown man and you're sneaking out of your own apartment, right?" she reminded him because sometimes, he needed reminding.

"Alright," he conceded. "Point taken. So what's on the agenda for tonight? Do we have plans?"

"No," Kate sighed. "I just really need to see you. I've had a horrible day."

"I noticed. I'm sorry your day sucked. I promise I'll make it all better. How much longer are you going to be?"

"Not much. Maybe thirty minutes. I just have a few things I need to finish up here."

"I'll meet you at your place in an hour. Unless you'd rather I sent mother off to seek her own entertainment for the night and we can meet here instead," he offered.

"I wouldn't want to throw her out of her home like that. My place is fine. If I'm not there when you get there-"

"I have a key," he assured her.

"Right, you have a key. I'll see you in an hour." she said, then she dipped her head into her shoulder and lowered her voice conspiratorially. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he answered in the same lowered tone before saying goodbye and hanging up.

Somehow, she made it through the next half hour without incident and she was grateful for that. Maybe the worst was over. She had just managed to convince herself of that when the heel broke off of her brand new Elie Tahari black leather knee-high boot as she stepped out of the elevator and into the parking garage. She'd spent a whooping three hundred dollars on the shoes while on a shopping trip with Alexis. It was a splurge for her, an incredible splurge that she hadn't made lightly.

Huffing in utter disgust, she swooped down and retrieved the fallen heel before limping off towards her car. The four inch heel in her hand made for a four inch discrepancy in the length of her legs and all she could really manage was a wobbly hobble.

The shutting of the car door caused the tension in her shoulders to ease. It was on a smaller scale than the relief she'd feel once she was able to do the same thing to her apartment door. But it was a start.

It was, however, a premature one. She'd just raised her chin in a modified wave towards Esposito who was getting into his own car when she put the key into its place, turned it and heard only a click in response. Casting her eyes quickly across the dashboard, she discovered the problem immediately. She'd left her freaking, fracking lights on that morning when she arrived at the station and now her battery was dead.

Quickly jumping from the vehicle she managed to flag Espo down before he made it out of the garage. After explaining the problem and watching him, first, laugh hardily then, head to his trunk to get his jumper cables, she grabbed her phone and dialed Castle, once again.

"Would you believe that my battery is dead?" she exclaimed in hushed whisper as soon as he answered.

He laughed. "It's okay, I'll help you recharge you battery as soon as you get here," he replied smoothly.

"Ha ha. I mean my car battery is dead," she explained.

"Wow, you really are having a hell of a day. Do you need me to come jump you off?" he laughed. "I mean, do you need me to come jump your car off?" he tried again. Then huffed. "See, I've never managed to find a way to ask that question that isn't lewd."

"Espo is still here. He's gonna take care of it," she answered.

"Are you sure you can make it home? Maybe I should come and protect you from the dastardly Murphy that seems to be following you around today."

"Murphy?"

"It sounds like you've fallen prone to the evilness of a Murphy's law day," he explained.

"Did I mention my heel just broke, too?"

"Aw, my poor baby," he murmured.

"What did you just say to me!?" she demanded.

"I'll tell you when you get here," he chuckled. "You sure you're good?"

"I'm fine. I'll just be a little longer than I thought," she answered.

"I'll be here when you get here," he returned. "Hey, just remember I love you and it'll be alright."

"Me, too," she muttered quietly with a glance towards Esposito who was just emerging from his trunk with a handful of cables.

"Big plans tonight?" he asked after she hung up.

"I'm having dinner with my father," she lied as she watched him going about the work of hooking the two cars together with the cables. "What's going on with you and Ryan? I'm sensing some tension there."

"You know," he shrugged.

"No, I don't. That's why I'm asking."

"I really don't like rats," he said after a moment's pause to consider his words.

"Is this about him telling Gates when we went after Maddox alone?" she asked, incredulously.

He shuffled his boot covered feet for a moment. "Maybe," was his final answer.

"Javi, he saved my life when he made that call. If he hadn't, there wouldn't have been anyone there to pull me from that ledge. No one else was coming. He did what he had to do even though he knew we'd hate him for it. That makes him more than just a partner. It makes him a friend. He did what he had to do to protect us. Don't be mad at him for that."

Javier looked down at the ground and again shuffled his feet like a naughty child that had been called on the carpet. "I guess you're right. I'll talk to him."

She left the parking garage feeling as if maybe she'd managed to pull something positive out of her day after all.

She was almost to her apartment. She could see her building looming on the skyline. It was almost within her reach, when her phone rang. Seeing Lanie's name on her caller I.D., she connected the call with a lead weight in the pit of her stomach.

"We have a body," Lanie announced, confirming her suspicions as soon as she answered.

As soon as she ended her call with the Medical Examiner, she called Castle again.

"Are you serious?" he asked, not bothering with a hello. "What could it possibly be now?"

"We have a body," she muttered. "I'm right outside."

"Wow, you almost made it," he chuckled.

"Yeah, I know," she sighed.

It was two hours later when she finally saw her apartment building on the horizon again. She didn't think she'd ever seen a more welcoming sight. She'd completely forgotten her broken heel before going to the crime scene and as a result, she'd spent the entire two hours limping around while still tugging at her ill-fitting shirt.

She glanced at the empty passenger seat beside her with a huff. She wasn't exactly angry that Rick had abandoned her at the scene and caught a cab back to her place. She was annoyed and it had nothing to do with needing his help on the case. There hadn't been much to go on at the scene, not even an I.D. on the body. Most of the work on the case would come the next day after the autopsy was preformed and CSU had a chance to investigate the scene more carefully.

It was more that she'd had a shitty day and having him with her seemed to help. But she'd never actually admit that out loud, so she'd let him go without protest and watched with unhidden envy as he climbed into his cab and rode away.

After finally stepping into her apartment and shutting the door behind her, she slumped against it with her eyes closed and let herself relax for the first time since she'd woken up that morning.

"Finally," she heard Rick whisper as he covered her with his body and his lips brushed against hers.

She let herself sink into him, reveling in the feel of his hair sliding through her fingers as she buried her hands in the back of his head and deepened the kiss.

Then, suddenly she pushed against him, hauling him away from her with a confused look on his face.

"I'm not talking to you," she announced with a pronounced pout on her lips. "I can't believe you just left me there like that."

"But," he stammered. "I had a really good reason and you said it was fine."

"What is this really good reason?" she demanded.

He reached his hand out towards her. "Come see."

The first thing that caught her attention was jazz. It was soft enough that she'd missed it at first. But as she focused in on it she could clearly Satchmo's gravelly voice drifting through the speakers as he sang about 'makin' whoopee'.

It was a good start. He'd chosen her favorite music. Maybe he could make it all better.

She gave his hand a squeeze as they continued down the hall.

She figured they were heading for the bedroom, so it surprised her when he stopped at the bathroom door. The stout fragrance of lavender hit her the moment he opened the door and she stepped inside.

Several well placed candles not only cast the room in a yellowish glow, but added to the heavenly aroma. Steam rose off the cast iron, claw foot tub he had moved and installed in her new apartment after it saved her life when a bomb went off in her old place. She almost hadn't let him do it but eying it now, she was very grateful she had.

He glanced down at her shoes with a bemused smile on his face. The same smile he'd worn the entire time he spent watching her limp around the crime scene. It irritated her how much he was enjoying witnessing her misery.

Before she could tell him about it, he went down on one knee. Then he propped the leg with the offending heel on his thigh and moved his fingers to the zipper. He lowered it slowly, allowing his knuckles to rack down her calf with the movement. Then he slipped her foot from inside and tossed the boot away. He did the same with the other one, taking his time and making the act of simply helping her out of her shoes something sensual and full of promise.

"Tomorrow, we are sending a stern letter of disapproval to the store where you bought those," he announced. "We'll get Mother to help. She's one of the best at stern disapproval."

With the shoes gone, he glided his hands up the sides of her gray trousers with the same languid speed.

"Rick," she sighed, "please don't talk about your mother right now."

He'd finally arrived at the waistband of her slacks and was currently making short work of the button and zipper. Once that was taken care of, he began to slid the material down her legs, again, brushing his knuckles against her skin as he went.

She placed a hand on his shoulder to steady herself as she stepped out of the slacks.

The rest of her clothes came off the same way. Panties were peeled from her body. The shirt which had done nothing but cause her grief all day was unbuttoned with great care before being tossed into a corner of her bathroom.

He seemed to especially enjoying the full view of the bra had been trying to catch sight of for the last few hours, but he only lingered on the image for a moment before casting it in the same direction her shirt went.

He ran his large hands up her sides slowly letting himself enjoy the feel of her skin. Then he catch her lips with his as he fingertip came to brush across the scar over the center of her chest. He ducked his head and placed a kiss there as well while she buried her hand in his hair and held him tightly to her.

"This is exactly what I've needed all day," she murmured as he began the journey back up to her lips, sidetracking along the way to taste her collarbone, the base of her throat, the side of her neck, her jaw.

"Told you I would make it all better," he whispered in her ear before grabbing the lobe between his teeth and nibbling.

She registered the fact that he was moving them and gave in willingly, letting him guide them where ever he wanted without protest. They stopped when she felt the tub behind her.

He pulled back and gave her a smile. "Get in," he instructed. "I'll be right back."

She nodded did as she was told readily. The smell of lavender penetrating the air as the steam rose off the thick covering of bubbles had been beckoning her since she stepped in the room. She wasn't disappointed when the aroma increased as she slid into the water. It was at the last moment that she remembered her hair and she grabbed it in one hand and quickly stacked it on top of her head. Then she sat that way for a moment trying to figured out how she would keep it there.

She was still contemplating the problem when he came back into the room with two tumblers in his hands, both filled with scotch.

She loved how he didn't miss a beat as he handed her one of the glasses, then grabbed a couple of hair pins from the sink.

"I thought I'd share a drink with you. Then I'll leave you to your alone time," he said as he stretched out on the floor beside the tub and propped his back against the wall.

"You're leaving?" she asked after securing her hair and enjoying the first sip of her alcohol.

"I'm not 'leaving' leaving," he clarified. "But I know how much you enjoy your bath. I didn't want to intrude."

Normally, he would have been right. She did prefer to indulge in her baths alone. It was her time for herself and she was reluctant to ever give that up. This sharing things concept was still a work in progress for her. Letting him the way he wanted was something she was still getting used and her bath time had continued to be one of her hold outs. He understood that and he'd been extraordinarily accepting and respectful of it. But tonight, while the bath was nice, it was him she wanted above everything else.

"You aren't intruding," she protested.

"You want me to stay?" he asked, sitting up a little straighter.

"I would really like it if you stayed," she admitted. "In fact, I'd really like it if you joined me."

He looked at her a little doubtfully. "I'll smell like a girl."

She reached a wet, bubble covered hand out and cupped his jaw in her palm before leaning up and kissing him. "We'll shower in the morning," she promised as she pulled away. "I imagine we'll need to anyway."

"Deal," he agreed. Then he got to his feet and quickly divested himself of his clothes before sliding into the water behind her. His arms were around her before the water completely settled and he pulled her into the solid wall of his body with his arms crossed over her chest.

"I'm sorry you had such a terrible day," he whispered into the bend of his shoulder.

"It's okay," she answered, nestling even further into him. "It's all over now."


End file.
